Things to Think About

Series planning questions

Market in the mystery genre

Giving up by Holly Lisle

Don't know why, but they really hit home. Well, I do sorta know why. In that nagging, tingling, back of the head, gut response that tells you this is IMPORTANT but you don't want to face it.

Could it be that I'm facing quitting as a viable option in my life for the first time? (Not writing, so nobody panic.)

Could it be because I had one of those tiny, duh epiphanies this morning? This job you tolerate isn't going away. I don't have to face my childhood-self not knowing when Dad would have a job or a paycheck. I haven't even worked on the finances in weeks, but I think I need to go back some exercises and work on that one.

Writing as a career most often is not a financially stable one. At the same time I say that doesn't matter to me, there's a little girl inside me that knows there's no money for anything because Daddy doesn't have a job. And that kid is desperate and doing everything in her power to maintain the glory of the paycheck.

I'm not being fair, but I just figured out where the sabotage is coming from. She just wants to be safe and have things. Me trying to get serious and earn minuscule and uncertain money off writing scares her to death. Safer to keep me busy and blocked and keep writing as a hobby.

So does this make sense? Writing has never been blocked--once I find time to just write. But finishing and submitting has been a major wigout fest. I kept blaming an unknown stessor and tried easing off the demands I make on myself to no success. Well, of course not, I haven't addressed the real issue. I don't know if this post has sufficiently addressed it and more is necessary. Maybe a routine of steady reassurance will get my writing groove back.